tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41007544826551583742024-03-13T22:03:29.826-07:00Turnermade Industries - Wichita, KS, USAThe general ramblings and creations of Steven Turner. Tattooer, machine builder, painter and craftsman of many things. Don't let social media ruin this whole "internet" fad. Let's make the internet blogs again! Fucking BLAWGS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4100754482655158374.post-46961874418853886112019-08-20T17:09:00.003-07:002019-08-20T17:10:13.248-07:00Thanks Bob.I've always been enamored with "The Joy of Painting". Growing up with 4, maybe 5 TV channels available via antenna, much of the time you were stuck with whatever was on. Oh, and it's worth mentioning that if you ended up on PBS as your last resort, you knew you were in trouble. That is, unless you happened upon one of the most gentle and modest all artists: Bob Ross. I've been pulled into his 26 minute painting show at the most random times in my life. It's had a lasting effect on me and especially now that all 31 series are available on multiple platforms. I've watched every episode a minimum of 3 times. I've now learned important things about everything from color theory to seeking inner peace. If you've passed Bob off as a kooky public television personality and nothing more, please look again. Bob Ross is teaching far more than painting mountain landscapes. Thanks Bob.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4100754482655158374.post-5889815574017711332019-06-03T09:18:00.000-07:002019-08-07T17:15:14.623-07:00Jerry Reed: Navigator of Netscapes<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_9MjpWGCn4EmvpJsmWbn5W62nlbu2IqslqhTNsE8wNDYoJdEFX9S287iVuuX6RYa-ZDzCoKdbiEzAOJPaNhzCbt_2MB_Ls3O1FylocSCaDPQ64vpsCUePsbwMQRNCZRoPzrnt41pwSPe/s1600/IMG_5911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="373" data-original-width="274" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid_9MjpWGCn4EmvpJsmWbn5W62nlbu2IqslqhTNsE8wNDYoJdEFX9S287iVuuX6RYa-ZDzCoKdbiEzAOJPaNhzCbt_2MB_Ls3O1FylocSCaDPQ64vpsCUePsbwMQRNCZRoPzrnt41pwSPe/s320/IMG_5911.jpg" width="234" /></a>Building tattoo machines is enjoyable at times, but there's a huge part of it that is repetitive and mind numbing. Luckily, my brain takes advantage of this idle time and comes up with some incredibly useless and painstakingly involved concepts. A few months back while making parts at the lathe, I kept thinking about how funny it would be if guitar pickin' legend Jerry Reed spent his golden years surfing the internet, exploring newfangled technology... and of course writing a painful amount of music about it. So much that it would necessitate an entire box set that would look like a desktop from 2001.<br />
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Later that day when I pitched the idea to my buddies Kevin Wathke and Jim Perlman (two people who love both Jerry Reed and hilarious nonsense), they couldn't help but get in on the fun. Next thing you know, we've got 72 track titles. If only it we're a real thing!<br />
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<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Modem waking up my family. (computer talkin’ funny)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Liars in the chat room.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Can’t settle on a Screen name (DirtyReedsDunDirtCheap)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Free net in the mail (AOL trial disks aplenty)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Hey losers! I’m getting a 2nd phone line specifically for computering. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">DSL is way faster than 56k!</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Most of the porn online is human toilets.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Netzero my ass!</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Got me a leather cell phone holster for Father’s Day. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Just ask Jeeves. (way better than altavista)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Inkjet cartridge blues.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I'm the forum moderator now, jerk! </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Napster gives my music away?</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I thought this live journal thing was private! (secret’s out)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">We built this geocity on html. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Don’t misspell the word “come” on the internet! </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I’m kicking you outta my MySpace top 8 </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Who the hell is Tom and why is he my friend? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I guess I have to like Metallica now. (No more Napster, hahaha)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">EBay: destroyer my Roth IRA’s. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Help! Nigerian royalty stole all my money!</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Spam filter never tasted so good.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Tupelo Mississippi flash drive. (Can’t unsee them pictures)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Dot matrix printer only compatible with my old Tandy PC. (Bye bye banners)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I gotta Log on to put my Log in?</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">MySpace is out, Facebook’s moving in.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Stalkers keep tracking me on 4square.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I messed up and googled myself.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Who's trolling my YouTube page?</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Router tillin’.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Chocolate rain, prepare to feel the pain! (Tay Zonday was the troll)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Online porn is still human toilets. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Better look out Microsoft Outlook. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Identity bandit keeps tricking my family.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Dark web put my daughter in a red room</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">More like google minus, am I right? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Watching myself on Netflix is weird. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Lost the installation disk to my printer. (again)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Oops! Didn’t password protect the WiFi</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The internet is more racist than the entire cast and crew of “Smokey and the Bandit”. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Connecting professionally on LinkedIn</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Tech-Support Bra ain’t worth shit </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Forwarding important / funny / political email eats up all my free time. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Jerry Reed Instagram fan pages have more followers than me?</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Nephew saw my search history, send help! </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">WebMD diagnosed me with west nile virus, bone cancer and conjunctivitis. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Tweeted my social security number and bank account information. (Yes, even the routing number)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Drunken Amazon 1click buying spree.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">How does my phone know I like pop tarts? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Phone calls on my tablet </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What’s a watchdog site and why am I on one?? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">World of Warcraft ruined my urge to tour</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Check out my unboxing video of a can of whoopass staring YOU! </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Burt Reynolds won’t unblock me. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Thank Jesus for surge protectors</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Who in the hell is looking at E.T. porno on my work laptop? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">My idiot kids sold my stamp collection on Craigslist (I’m calling the BBB)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">How’d a Snapchat filter get my credit card number? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">For a pdf reader, you sure do require a lot of updating. (Acrobat in a wheelchair)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Screw music, I’m an Etsy man now. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Cloud storage got hacked. (again)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Computers think my passwords stink</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Where do I pick up my Spotify money?</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Whoopi Goldberg won’t retweet my jokes about “the Color Purple”. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Can someone please explain bitcoin? </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Up all night, swiping right. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Grandma got'er clit burned off by a Sybian (gross out the max)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Accident sent a dick pic (to my son)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">She got the Gateway, I got the Mac.</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Too tender for tinder. (confidence crushed)</li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Forced to admit, internet really messed up my grandkids. </li>
<li style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I shot my computer’s dick off, RoboCop style.</li>
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After punishing a handful of folks with this ridiculous concept, I started to think about Mr. Reed and how he'd feel about it if I were to propose such a thing. I had to make sure that he was alive first so I looked it up on the very same internet where you're reading this. Sadly, Jerry Reed passed in 2008. Although Jerry isn't with us anymore, it's somehow funnier that this list exceeds the timeline of his life. Hopefully heaven has internet access so he can continue his hard work: forwarding emails and seeing all the things you can't unsee thanks to the world wide web. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4100754482655158374.post-30402285562993686362019-05-15T16:16:00.003-07:002019-05-15T17:19:59.852-07:00After all these years...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More carved brass items up for sale soon. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like drawing fungi.</td></tr>
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<span style="text-align: left;">I never would've thought I'd want to revive this ol' thing! Like the saying goes, you never know how good you've got it until it's gone. Well, or until social media hatefucks any joy a person might get from an already vain pursuit. So, thanks to the short comings of Facebook, Instagram, etc. here I am once again. Maybe now with some perspective I can enjoy publishing my stupid thoughts and creations. There's no "like" button and no way to comment. Probably wouldn't read them if there were. The one thing that blogs have always had going in their favor is the concept of a one way system. I've had the alternative with various perpetual feedback loops. A nuisance for someone like myself and the ultimate slave driver of humanity from the looks of it. Maybe I'm just cynical? Maybe the solution is to make the internet blogs again. Fucking BL</span>AWGZZZZZZ! GET YER BLAWG ON, DAWG!</div>
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Here's a little something to help shake the rust off this old clunker. A little mash up I did years ago of a Linnea Quigley workout tape with the song "Turn the Hell On" from the NWOBHM band "Fist". Enjoy and FTW. -S</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com